A life put on hold, suspended between a continual of happy/sad, sad/happy until the sad became too much to bear and I began to break. I don’t discount or discredit love it is important but look at what we do to each other in the name of love it can be horrendous. Facing a monster and holding it accountable...
Author Tracey Conley Bray
The First Day
Just what is the significance of the first day? It is the day that started it all. But in reality, it was no different than any other day in my life. I had many first days. Many opportunities to start over. Many chances to get it right. But it always comes back to that first day. The last day of my then life, but the first day of the rest of my life. I had good reasons to make that first day my last day. If I had not, I would not have had many more first days left to enjoy here on earth. That day I went to the doctor, and like the last visit, the doctor pressed me about issues in my past that may be a prominent factor in my current health problems. And like the last visit, I evaded the doctor’s questions choosing to hide behind tears instead of facing the problem head on. I, like so many people, harbor a pain that no one should have to bear alone. Yet alone I do, and have done so for many, many years. If I am to get well, both mentally and physically, I will have to bare my soul in order to find myself. Something I have never been able to do, even in my youth. Something I must do to rid my life of this unbearable burden that has in fact become my own personal curse. That is, if I was inclined to believe in curses. But how can I tell my story without telling the stories of so many other people? People who have made a success of their lives. People who, from the outside looking in, have put these issues to rest, and never once looked back. I often wonder what the difference is between them and me. Why am I stuck? Why can’t I move on and get past whatever is in my past holding me back from living my life to the fullest? I slowly rose to the call of my name, and followed the medical assistant to the back office where I was instructed to step onto an electronic scale. I dreaded this part of the doctor visit...
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