Author and Poet Tracey Conley Bray
I Am Here
Some people are afraid of the unknown
but me I am afraid of being known
working hard behind the scene
sabotaging my own dreams so it would seem.
Don't look the part
so I am torn apart
by their callous words
and yet I repeat their words
which have oddly enough
become my words too:
You are not pretty enough
You are not smart enough
You are not skinny enough
You are not tall enough
You are not talented enough
So many not’s until my heart and mind begins to feel as if they are tied in a knot the life being squeezed out of me with each and every not
Low self-esteem
try no self-esteem
self so low until I no longer felt worthy
not deem worthwhile by the masses
a brown Cabbage Patch in a white Barbie’s world a larger than life black woman in this here America; producers trying to place a value on my potential worth based on the size of my dress unconcern with my actual worth quickly dismissing my inner worth a queen amongst queens.
They say that pretty hurts and I suppose that may be true but it only hurts when you forget the real you starving to fit in,
you see, I understand getting in where you fit in dying to be a ten obsessed with fitting in; psychologically dependent upon their negative attention despite their ill intentions.
If pretty hurts then feel my pain-the reality of the situation is you judge me by my outer appearance alone in spite of your own inner torment you are a product of the mass media shown pictures and told what beauty is…I Am Here
An African goddess with loveable features and yet the media and magazines says that my features aren’t pleasing turn off the T.V., put down the magazines and look around….I AM Here
My body size isn’t designed to fit the imprints of the models in the magazines but still….I Am Here
My teeth are crooked but my head is on straight. Don’t look away it is okay if your arms won’t go around me for you see I am not looking to be bound by you I relish in the thought of standing beside you or sitting next to you…I Am Here
If pretty hurts then feel my pain and walk beside me…I Am Here….I AM HERE!
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